VICTORY -- DECEMBER 18, 2009

It is hard to believe that 365 days have passed. My photo expresses what I feel inside -- VICTORY & MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It is almost impossible to describe the year. I has been filled with many new physical feelings and ones that you cannot describe unless you are in my shoes. I feel restrained by the rods in my back and will always feel this way. There are parts of me that will never be able to move like they used to. I will always set off the airport security system :) I will always have trouble doing my toenails and tying my shoes. These things are so small compared to the "life" I have been given in return for this year. I did not realize how much my lungs had collapsed and were collapsing. I found myself tired earlier and earlier in the evening and attributed it to my age. Immediately after surgery I noticed what deep breaths I could take. I now have much more energy and endurance. Before the surgery I had no idea how much damage there was.

I am very grateful in many ways.
*I am grateful for the Lord's gentle and subtle direction in leading me in the surgical path
*I am grateful for my surgeon, Dr. Horton, and his team. Who would have imagine that 12 months after surgery he would no longer be practicing his art, having to take early retirement due to arthritis in his hands.
*I am grateful for how loved I am by the Lord. He has cared for me these 12 months so gently and tenderly.
*I am grateful to have fallen hard one evening in August on concrete. I realized that my back is about as strong as the concrete is and it sustained a fall down 3 concrete steps.
*I am grateful to my family for constantly being positive and encouraging. They have listened so much to my descriptions and revelations of what I was feeling. They never gave any indication that they wanted to say -- "Can we talk about something else!!"
*I have the most incredible group of friends. I treasure the constant joy they vicariously shared with me month after month in addition to the many ways they served and ministered to me.
*I love my gym buddies. I have been gone so long but each time I'd show up they were so excited. I felt truly like a celebrity of the DeKalb Wellness Center!
*Prayers -- this should not be at the bottom of the list but should be the umbrella over all the rest of these words of gratitude. People say you can "feel" when others are praying for you. It's true! What does it feel like? To me it was peace and a sense of being held tight and securely by my God. I spent many hours alone in my bed but never felt alone or lonely.
*DOUG -- we have learned so much about one another. He showed me his love in so many unselfish ways. He is my love slave, daily helping me do things that I couldn't manage. Never did he look weary when I'd say.... "oh, one more thing". He is such a hero to me!

Am I back to normal? No and I never will be again. I am a NEW normal. There will be things I won't do any more. That's OK. I now have a new lease on life. 2010 will be a rebuilding year to gain back stamina and physical strength. I'm very excited.

Thank you all (you know you you are) for keeping up with me in this blog, for speaking such uplifting and encouraging words every time you saw me. I have learned a lot in regard to treating others who are going through their own rocky road. God doesn't waste any situation and turns them into learning experiences to use in other's lives.

Am I glad I had the surgery. ABSOLUTELY. Would I do it again? ABSOLUTELY.

MY SURGEON

The piece below is outstanding. It is long but it is worth reading to see what is inside a human being. When I considered posting this piece I was yet to receive word that Dr. Horton would be retiring. I was shocked and distressed! Why would a man retire so suddenly and at 58 years old. This week I received a letter from him (& to all his patients) saying he was having to retire due to arthritis in his hands! I immediately thought of the people who would not have the privilege I had of being given "life" back. I thought of him and what it would be like to no longer do what you loved doing and were so gifted in doing. Many thoughts have come to my mind and many prayers for this man.

Take the time to read this -- it is well worth your time.

Cheryl -- 11 months post op and standing tall and feeling stronger every day.
SOLI DEO GLORIA

Dr. William Horton
Before he performed surgery, Dr. William Horton, Professor of Orthopaedic Surgery at the Emory Spine Center, transported people to surgery.

Growing up in Atlanta, Georgia, a young Bill Horton was looking for a unique summer experience. “I knew several physicians growing up, and in my senior year of high school I took a summer job as an orderly at a local hospital. After cleaning the ORs I would observe the surgeons as they worked. I was fascinated by the anatomy and what could be done for people. My time as an orderly also gave me a window into the anxiety that patients experience. When I transported them to surgery from their rooms I paid attention to the nurses and doctors who took time to comfort them and help diffuse some of their fear.”

Ethics, Morality, and Medicine
Philosophy and/or ethics are often not uppermost in someone’s mind when filling out a college application. But they were for Bill Horton. “I left high school excited about medicine, but I didn’t want to do the traditional major in chemistry or biology. The University of Virginia had a unique program that allowed undergrads to design their own major program, and at the end, tie everything together with a thesis. I was fascinated by the ethical dynamics of caring for people, so I designed a course of study that combined biology, psychology, philosophy, and religion, and wrote my thesis on euthanasia and infanticide.”

The term “bedside manner” has been tossed about for years. But Dr. Horton, with his tendency to reflect and dig deeper, would take a path few have experienced. “It was the mid-1970s, the period when Raymond Moody was featured in Time magazine for his work on near death experiences. His findings opened new territory, and made me think deeply about what is involved in the morality of caring for one another. In particular, I came to see that medicine is highly ethically charged. Doctors are often making decisions for those who can’t decide for themselves…the newborn, the unborn, the infirmed.”

Surgeons typically like black and white…concreteness. Dr. Horton, however, was willing to stay in the gray. “It was also during this thesis time that I began to think about the paradoxes inherent in medicine. No one has a crystal ball; we’re often dealing with mystery and the unknown despite all the data and objectivity because science is not fully developed in certain areas.”


e have to help patients deal with the paradoxes inherent in their experience and the emotions it brings,” states Dr. Horton. “They are frightened and frustrated that their bodies are failing and often ask, ‘What does it mean that the doctor can’t fix me?’ Partnering with them to work through these issues is an important way of honoring the mystery of how our physical body and spirit interlace and influence one another. As a doctor it is essential to understand that we’re working on the body, and, by default, on the soul and mind. In the end they are one in the same.

Opening Doors to a Fulfilling Career
Some people have their career plans firmly in hand. Others “wait and see.” Dr. Horton: “Instead of being calculating about my career, I saw that doors just began to open and I stepped through one, and then another, and another. Instead of a fixed career highway it was more like stepping stones.”

The doors then opened to the Medical College of Georgia. “During medical school I was very influenced by Dr. Gene Colborn, an anatomy professor whose teaching deepened my thinking of anatomy and its dazzling complexity to the point that knowing the human body was like marveling at the Sistine Chapel—except this was far beyond the normal human creative powers. When I later worked with a rheumatologist named Dr. Joe Bailey, I told him of my interest in orthopedics. He quickly referred me to Dr. Jim Harkess at the University of Louisville, a true renaissance man who had an incredible grasp of the art of orthopedics.”

Embarking on an orthopedic residency at the University of Louisville, Dr. Horton learned the importance of integrating X, Y, Z coordinates…i.e., 3D. “I was drawn to the spine because of the brain-body connection. But I also learned a great deal from the hand surgeons at Louisville, including Dr. Graham Lister, one of the best teachers I have ever encountered. Trained in plastic surgery, Dr. Lister had an amazing way of examining the external hand and then showing you how to visualize everything that is under the skin, and then to transfer that insight along with the diagnostic images to mental 3D and imagine exactly what you’re going to find once you’re in the OR. It was incredible to create this bridge between the exam room, the office, and the OR.”

Now an active advocate for such knowledge, Dr. Horton notes, “While some have a natural gift for such ‘vision,’ others must work to develop it. If you can’t transition between 2D and 3D it is difficult to achieve maximum safety and effectiveness in the OR. There are times during surgery when you simply can’t yet see what you ultimately need to—you must visualize and imagine beyond where you are. Fortunately, these concepts are increasingly emphasized in surgical training.”

Specializing in Spine
Even as a resident, Dr. Horton carried a sense of humility that would open his eyes and open new doors. “I became fascinated by the spine because I saw it as one of the great diagnostic and treatment challenges that remained to be solved. It became clear that diagnosis was still in the infant stages and that there was so much that needed to be developed. I was also aware that the talents of other healthcare professionals were not always well integrated. If a patient says, ‘I saw a chiropractor and he relieved my pain,’ then we should respect that and realize that all sorts of healing has its place.”

By the third year of residency, Dr. Horton had found a subspecialty that brought great emotional rewards. “I was so fortunate to work with Dr. Ken Leatherman, the head of spine at Louisville who did complex spinal deformity surgery. It was thrilling not only to do these elegant operations, but also to see the look on the patients’ faces that said, ‘I’ve got my life back!’”


he deformity touches so many areas of their lives…they have physical pain, functional issues, and often a low self image. I saw how spinal deformity work could deeply enhance life and the sense of self, helping people feel that they were as good as the next person. Treatment uncorks a sense of confidence that’s incredibly powerful in both adults and children.

Beginning his fellowship in 1986, Dr. Horton learned avant garde spinal techniques from the master. “I spent my fellowship year at the Kenton D. Leatherman Spine Center at the University of Louisville, a facility that was really cutting edge. Dr. Leatherman was the first in the U.S. to use the revolutionary Cotrel instrumentation system from France. He also did the first anterior vertebrectomy for congenital deformity in the U.S., which was dangerous pioneering work. Because there was a good working relationship between orthopedics and neurosurgery I also had a chance to learn neurosurgical techniques in spine. There was so much complex surgery going on that I became extremely comfortable with virtually any problem or unusual anatomy that presented itself.”

During this time the already empathic Dr. Horton got to see a bedside master. “Dr. Leatherman was the kind of person who would say to me, ‘Come sit beside me in Mrs. Gordon’s room and watch how we talk about her problem.’ He was able to walk with patients through their illness—and he was present to patients in a way that let them know that he was truly with them on their journey. He taught us to carefully weigh all risks and benefits and make patient decisions very personal ones. ”

Worldly Knowledge
To gain an even deeper understanding of the technical aspects of a patient’s surgical journey, Dr. Horton would take his own journey. “After finishing in Louisville I embarked on a European traveling fellowship, having my eyes opened to the many different ways of approaching the same surgery. In England I learned from Drs. Robert Dixon and Greg Houghton the British trait of being incredibly thoughtful about differential diagnoses. In France I found that they approach surgery like an art form—finely nuanced. Drs. Yves Cotrel and Daniel Chopin would make subtle but important adjustments during the surgery because they used a geometric 3D process. It was a more creative surgical approach than I had ever seen.”

And what was the surgical zeitgeist in Germany? “Germany was the anti-France, with a style that is very precise, completely black and white. I learned from Professor Klaus Zielke, a master of preoperative planning. You did steps 1 through 6 and you didn’t deviate. What is helpful about the German approach is that it is predictable. The downside of their process was that once the preop plan was done you weren’t allowed to question it…the professor is top dog and that’s that.”

Research and Academia
Returning to the U.S., Dr. Horton surveyed his career options. “I was initially turned off by academics because I had witnessed how politics and egos sometimes resulted in unhealthy and unfair treatment for many faculty members. I had been approached by Dr. Pierce Allgood, who I respected enormously. He drew me into joining his large private practice in Atlanta. It was a busy, challenging spine practice…without the bloodshed of academics. That experience was fantastic.”

The intellectual stimulation of a scholastic environment, however, remained alluring. Dr. Horton: “In 1989 I got a call from Dr. Tom Whitesides at Emory who told me that he and Dr. Lamar Fleming wanted to build an international spine center. I had long admired Tom’s creative thinking and technical innovations, as well as his rich character. The more he talked the more I became interested. It was an opportunity to enhance a fulfilling clinical practice with teaching and research. So I accepted their offer, to a great extent because they were focused on building something special while getting past the strife of academia.”

Free to treat patients and conduct research in a collegial environment, Dr. Horton set off to explore biomechanics. “I could see that current methods of treating kyphosis, a condition which has the highest risk of paralysis, had shortcomings. I developed a technique for reducing severe kyphosis that was a different clinical approach; instead of working from the ends of the deformity I reversed the paradigm and started from the apex using gradual reductions…one vertebra at a time.”


hat study involved complex kyphosis cases with some of the best correction rates ever reported,” says Dr. Horton. “But more importantly, there were virtually no complications related to the correction, which was usually fraught with neurologic complications and problems at the ends of the system. This new technique nearly eliminated that kind of problem, and has had a significant effect on how surgeons reduce all types of kyphoses.

“I then became curious about the biomechanics of the sternum,” continues Dr. Horton. “We all get blinders on from time to time…and spine surgeons are guilty of looking at the spine but forgetting about the torso. Our work was honored with the Russell Hibbs Award for Basic Science, given by the Scoliosis Research Society. The research elucidated the value of doing osteotomies to correct the spine, and highlighted the importance of the sternum in spine biomechanics. A sternal osteotomy is rarely indicated, but this work shed light down a dark hole in spinal biomechanics, and is relevant in trauma and tumor reconstruction as well as deformity.”

Yet another area that drew his interest and knowledge is international orthopedic education. Dr. Horton: “A year and a half ago we started the Emory Spine Center for Outreach and Medical Education. Having worked with Orthopedics Overseas in underdeveloped areas I was sensitive to the power of international relationships and how important it is to learn from one another. The program is focused on delivering mentored education for doctors in developing countries, with China hosting the pilot program. Doctors in the developing world are often extremely bright and desperately looking for seasoned teaching and advice, and they can’t often find it. We want to change that.”

Life at Home
He really shouldn’t have any time left to himself. But alas, he constantly tries to live a balanced and active personal life. “For 31 years I have been married to my wife Leah, who is an incredible woman and a pastor with Trinity Presbyterian Church in Atlanta, a place we love very much. We have three daughters. One is a senior in college who has a penchant for English and French, another is going to medical school, and the third is studying for a Masters in Public Health. They are three wonderfully adventurous women who have all lived near a pig sty in the West Indies, gone sailing in the Pacific, and enjoyed the messiness of trout fishing in North Georgia.”

“I enjoy the outdoors,” adds Dr. Horton, “and I am fortunate to have a group of buddies who bike together and coax each other into doing things we probably shouldn’t—like Olympic triathalons. Music is a passion of mine (a lot more passion than talent) and I goofed around in a bluegrass band in medical school. I enjoy reading nonfiction and writings about spirituality. I enjoy grilling food, and am a major enthusiast of The Green Egg for steaks or anything.”

Dr. Bill Horton…orthopedist, philosopher, renaissance man.

AMAZING DOCTOR REPORT

You will love this post! My spine is 95% fused. I saw my surgeon yesterday for my 8 month appt. I had a CAT scan and xrays. In my mind I thought we'd see more "fuzz" and be told to keep up the protein consumption.

The doctor walked in with copies of my scan and xrays. He showed us the bone growth which was incredible. He said you are 95% fused! I had to have him repeat it because to me it wasn't possible yet. He answered a few questions and said he didn't need to see me for 12 months. WHAT -- we're done?

What are my limitations -- no boxing, no wrestling, no basketball, no tennis, no sky diving i.e. nothing with contact. No problem with these. Other then these I can do whatever I want and am able to do.

I sat in the room with Doug thinking.. we're done? No diploma. No certificate of promotion to re-enter life. It caught me totally by surprise that the world of scoliosis had been defeated in me.

What are my emotions like? I am one very grateful woman. I have had it easy compared to many. My recovery has been very
"textbook", smooth and uneventful. The prayers joined to God's heart have taken me to where and who I now am. I have learned a lot about myself and about the role of being a cheerleader for others. The Lord continues to give me ones coming behind me in surgery and it is a joy and privilege to encourage them and help them take their steps forward.

Month #7

Dear ones,

As I write this today, July 26, I have passed 7 months! The winter of December seems a long time ago -- well it is.
I am doing extremely well. As an example, I accompanied a friend last week who had an evaluation by my surgeon. Dr. Horton recognized me as one of his patients and said, "Stand up Cheryl and let me look at you". He felt along my spine and said -- you're doing fantastic. That was a nice unexpected blessing since it wasn't even an appointment! I will see him on August 10th and have a CAT scan that day. I'm looking forward to how the bone growth is growing.

One of the barometers of progress is how many things can be moved off the counter tops to their belonging places. Another is the discontinuing of "tools" like elevated toilet seat, grabbers, and of course the best - energy level and flexibility. I can report that the counters are looking far less crowded. The toilet seat is gone and I now use a public toilet as well. My energy is increasing each week. I am realizing how diminished my energy was last December and even before that because I now have the new energy. I had no idea that I was slowing down and now realize a lot had to do with the diminishing lung capacity. I swim several times a week and can feel my lungs happily filling with air. When I started back swimming it was all I could do to do 1 stroke of the crawl. I can now do 8 laps of the crawl plus some breast and back stroke. Progress no matter how small is a gift to observe.

My time with my 2 post scoliosis surgery friends has been very satisfying to me. To see them in their beginning stages of recovery has shocked me because that was "me" just a short time ago. I am so happy to be able to encourage them and to tell them how well they are doing... and they really are. As I said earlier, it is good to have someone alongside you who has already gone where you are going. So many similarities in much of our life spiritually and in life lessons. We are all to be there for others to be their encouragers and cheerleaders. It gives both of us pleasure.

What's next? I've got a ticket to visit Tim in Eugene, OR on Aug 20. This will be yet another 1st-- 5 hours on a plane. I am looking forward to this time so much -- for my sake but to see Tim's world.

I can never close without thanking you so many times for your continual prayer and love for me. I feel it -- it is something one can only know by experiencing it. I feel like a new woman and in ways I look like it too -- +3 inches!

Fondly,
Cheryl

DEC 18 - JUNE 18

We're pretty excited realizing we are 6 months post surgery -- TODAY. I continue to check in with my surgeon's clinical nurse who tells me I'm doing splendidly. I thought so too :) She says the next 6 months will bring changes but oh so small. For instance I have a good amount of swelling in my lower back. She said that will take about 6 months to resolve. It's not a hindrance, except that my pants don't fit!

I'm feeling better and better and can feel myself with more energy these days. I'm trying to go to the gym or swim M-F. It isn't as much of a struggle to get up and out of here to do that like it used to be. A lot of the joint pain is waning -- oh happy day. Getting up from a chair, especially after 15-20 minutes is still very hard. I was told by the physical therapist that with my back being "rearranged" my nerves and muscles are struggling with what they are to do and how to do it. They are looking for their old paths or creating new ones. Amazing body God made for us with the ability to rearrange and recover. Walking quickly is hard. I still need my grabber to dress and use my handy sock tool to put on socks BUT I'm doing it myself.

It has been quite a journey. I did not believe them when they said 12 months recovery. Goodness, nothing takes 12 months. I think differently now.

The Lord has brought several others into my life who are approaching "THE" surgery. I cannot tell you how satisfying it is to encourage them and give insight into what recovery will be like. ( I remember this was one of my early prayer requests before surgery!!) Until now I have never known anyone who had had this humongous surgery so my trip has been very eye-opening. I have seen how some have struggled in ways I have not -- both with complications and with anxiety. I know as I have never known before how strong the prayers of God's people are in sustaining and encouraging. It is impossible to explain or put into words -- but it is so real.

Doug leaves next Wednesday for Nigeria for 3 weeks as a translation consultant (Wycliffe Bible Translators) for people groups with no written language and thus no Bible in their heart language. I am in a good place now and can manage myself fine. I'm very excited for his trip and what God allows to be done through him as well as what God does in him. It's pretty awesome and he's very grateful for the privilege.

Again, thank you for your continued prayers and interest in my progress. I still have 6 months more of bone growth to go.

Fondly,
Tall Cheryl

MOVING INTO MAINSTREAM

I feel like I'm moving more and more into mainstream living. I didn't realize how good it was until I did not have it. Isn't that true for many of us -- we don't know until we longer have something.

Thank you to all of you who enjoy reading these musings. I am so grateful they have been encouraging to you. I am amazed how many are following along. For me it is a way for me to document my recovery. Not being an "onlooker" but being the "player" I don't fully realize how far I've come and how monstrous the whole thing was/is. My life has focused on the day at hand and what my goal is for it. Right now I'm working on my puny muscles. As you remember I had done a lot to get up to speed before surgery but the months of being shut down zapped what I had :( Now the goal is to resurrect my quads, glutes and everything lying underneath these muscles. These are all very stiff and it still hurts to walk and get up and down from sitting. Working on them is not my favorite thing to do with my time but the outcome will be wonderful.

One interesting and happy thing has been looking ahead to what I want to do with the new me. At 64 I have goals and dreams for the future. I want to be productive in God's work and for His Kingdom. I don't know what that will look like but God does. Getting my body strong and having a new spine hopefully will give me more opportunities. I've been meditating on the verse I Cor 9:24-27 about "buffeting your body and making it my slave". Making it my slave takes work.

On the fun side -- I want to ride a bike! That might be totally off the mark living in Atlanta but I'm thinking about it. I won't be able to explore this until December. Cold time of the year to think about biking but who knows.

GOD SMILES

Today I felt God's smile
We met with Dr. Horton this morning and got to see the beautiful bones which are grafting. I picked this picture for today's blog because I felt like God has infused healing into my body, my bones, and my life.

For those interested in some details. The doctor likened the graft to clay right now. It started as wet cement and will finish as hard cement. The xray shows mysterious fuzz, kind of like a shadow surrounding the bones of my spine. It was beautiful to my eyes. He also said -- Cheryl, you're ahead of schedule. I know that our prayers are being answered in this little paragraph.

Those of you close to me have heard me talk about the joint and muscle aches & pains. I decided to have a blood test taken to see if the PMR is a factor. Sure enough it is. In a way I am grateful that this is the cause rather then my surgery. The PMR will take care of itself... eventually. I am allowed to take Aleve/Advil which takes the edge off the discomfort.

What's up now for me --
Physical therapy. I'll do several rounds of it to work on flexibility of my legs mostly. I'll continue to swim as well.

How is my outlook -- fantastic! It is so exciting to literally see what God has done within me. The more I have reflected on where I was heading and where I was the more grateful I am for the repair to my body and what God has ahead for me. I had been searching for years to understand my back situation and finally found what I was looking for.

Am I glad I for have gone through all this? Oh My Yes!. Has it been easy -- Oh My No!. Would I do it again -- Definitely. Who does not want to be useful in the life they have been given! I don't know what's ahead but I'm more prepared physically then I was.

For those who have attended to me though countless ways, I cannot tell you how much I love you and appreciate your tangible evidences of your love for me. The biggest as I have said have been the prayers which I can honestly say have reached around our globe from people. There have been food, letters, emails, embraces, flowers, gifts, books, sitters, drivers, tears, fasting.... on so much. You all know who you are and I know seeing and hearing my recovery has bolstered your faith. It works like that doesn't it. We give -- and who get's the blessing... we do as well as the one it is directed towards.

I hope you all are greatly encouraged with today's blog. We're flying high over at 5753 Levelland Trail.

Have I been discharged -- not yet. I have a CAT scan in August to see how the fusion is. In the meantime I continue to mend and treat my body with respect and discipline.

PS -- the photo at the top is a little radical but it is how I feel.... touched by God's hand.

The Summit

Wonder what this picture is about? I feel in a way that the worst is behind me, and that I have crested the summit. However as the fans of Jon Krakauer know (Into Thin Air), going down is difficult too.

The last 10 days have been different -- good different. The plodding seemed to be the same day after day and then about a week ago I realized I had a little more energy, a little more strength. I waited a few days before I made my conclusion. I indeed felt more like I used to. I kept smiling all day saying to myself -- I am healing. This recovery might not take the rest of my life.

Do I still experience pain and discomfort? Yes indeed, but a little less. I am able to do things all day long and not feel like crashing at 1 PM. I'm swimming (glorious) and use an exercise bike (not as much fun). I'm driving daily, cooking, doing the laundry (using a "grabber" to transfer clothes), going to church, working & heading back to a full day,and enjoying life much more.

A big day coming up is next Monday, April 13. I will see my surgeon and see if the bone graft has begun. This is the 4 month mark. Apparently the first signs of growth on xray are little bits of fuzz. What does one do to help promote bone growth -- eat lots of protein and I mean lots. My goal has been 100 gm a day. An FYI - an egg is only 5 gm. It is very difficult to hit this mark but most days I come pretty close.

I'll let you know how the appt goes on Monday.

I know you all have been praying. Thank you for not slowing up as I've improved. I feel your prayers and they are my underpinning. May God bless you.

Recovery requires Plodding

Last week I passed the 3 month mark. Unfortunately there was nothing magical about it. I was hoping that it would be the date that I'd feel normal. Dream on Cheryl! These days I must describe as plodding and more plodding. I am with discomfort every day.... just part of the recooperation. When I really get discouraged about this I get my "surgery journal" out or this blog and read where I've come from... like the days I couldn't get my head up or even get myself out of the bed.

What is recovery like? It is nothing heroic. I am to either swim, walk, exercise bike or exercise machines 3-4x weekly for 20 minutes. This sounds so small to me but after I have done it I am whipped so I must fall back on that my doctor knows best.

Thinking about plodding ...it is a wonderful and tangible illustration for me of what life is like. The initial stages of recovery showed big giant steps - walking, walking unassisted, showering, showering on my own, driving, swimming. These were a great encouragement and needed to be that way. However, most of life is not walked in giant steps but in doing the next thing and doing the right thing and choosing to be content with where one is.

I still have not forgotten what it feels like to not hurt. Thankfully I know I will be there again one day... probably months from now. For now I am choosing to do what I must do and to be content and pressing on. It will get better. As my surgeon's nurse tells me -- "Be patient Gertrude!!". Another recurring thought are the words we taught our kids from a wee age that now ring in my ears. Those words were "whinning is a No No".

If you are a prayer, please pray for the constant pain in my joints. It gets old after these many days. I don't think there is any magic remedy, but just doing what I am supposed to do and staying active.

My Georgia & A Faraway Georgia

When I began preparing for my surgery, one of my desires in undertaking such a huge/massive operation is that God would allow me to be of use in other's lives who are dealing with scoliosis. Scoliosis is not a widespread disease and few people need to undergo corrective surgery. I have had the privilege of meeting two people dealing with this condition. One lives nearby in "my Georgia" and the other in Tiblisi, Georgia. The one locally is a woman who will be having this surgery in June. It has already created a bond between us. Everyone has experienced how helpful it is to know someone who has gone through what we are going through no matter if it is a physical or an emotional condition. It is a blessing to have another to help you along, to suppport and encourage you. This is what is developing between Jean and I.

The "other Georgia" is a doctor I have connected with from Tiblisi, Georgia (formerly part of USSR). Presently there is nothing in his country to treat or even advise scoliosis patients. He ultimately would like to begin a clinic in his country for just such a purpose. As God's providence would have it I have been able to connect him to my surgeon to discuss just such a venture.

CHERYL PUMPS.....SALT?

2 MONTHS POST OP
It is easy for me to forget just how far I've come. This weekend I re-read my surgery journal and was reminded of those early days of not being able to even roll over or lift my head. I needed help for everything. I needed to be reminded of this because I easily get bummed that I have little energy, endurance or muscle strength.

Last week I worked on the exercise bike and lifting some hand weights. The limit on the bike is to be 20 minutes and only 3-4x week. I did it on Thursday and it is now Monday and my quads still are screaming. I had no idea that I would have to start over completely. I am to lift weights for my upper body. Guess what my limit is -- a salt box.... thus the photo.

So much of long surgery and slow rehab has been a mystery to me. I am 2 months post op and I foolishly thought I'd be back to my normal strength and energy. Not even close! I'm learning to look at the week and make choices of how much I can do. Going to the grocery store is a big deal. Yesterday I went and wouldn't you know one the objects I wanted was on the bottom shelf. My flexibility is sparse. I can barely barely reach my knees BUT I am told that at 12 months I might touch my toes -- and will be able to capture all the good tuff on the bottom shelfs. You all know the bargains are not at waist level but are on the bottom shelves.

If you're a prayer, I would appreciate prayers for developing muscle strength and to be persistent. It's hard but oh the results will be so wonderful.

NEWS FLASH - Cheryl Swims

Glad you all "enjoyed" the xray photos. They are as good for me as you because seeing is believing. I am so proud of my new back & the new me. It makes recovery much more pleasant and the future bright.

The surgeon gave me exercise instructions.
Walking -- no problem
Stationary exercise bike - no problem
Light free weights - no problem
Swimming -- you're kidding!!

Yesterday I tackled swimming. First I had to find a bathing suit that I could get out of when wet. Only women know the fun of getting out of wet suit but for me you have to add that you can't twist or bend!

The swimming experience was a little weird. I cautiously entered the shallow end. No problem. Then it came to the moment of needing to launch my body. I have now idea how much the "hardware" weighs and it if would weigh me down. I put my head down and my feet up and I felt kind of heavy. I quickly made sure I would not leave the shallow end :) I began kicking and stroking and presto I was swimming into deep water. YEA --it worked. It didn't feel like normal. It felt like what I imagine a turtle experiences -- arms and legs doing their thing while the middle stays in place. It was actually kind of fun once I got going and the physical comfort of being non-weight bearing was delightful.

My muscles are still really tight. At my post op appt I asked about my shoulders and upper back being so tight and in spasms. Normal they replied. What about my legs -- my hamstrings are in a wad and the range of motion of my legs is very small. Again, normal they said. My regime is to be 20 minutes of exercise 3x a week. Doesn't seem like much but I can guarantee each one takes a chunk out of my energy. I'm beginning to understand why I was told that total recovery is 12 months. I'm almost at 2 months. I have come a long way but feel very much like a decrepit old lady shuffling along and working hard getting into my car -- remember no twisting or bending.

I cannot tell you how emotional I am about ALL your interest and support of me through all this in so many creative ways. As I went to the doctor last week seeing so many hurting and physically restricted people, I became even more aware of how very much I owe where I am to each of you. Going through hard stuff is much easier when others are carrying you. I cannot describe it but those who have been in similar shoes know what I mean.

Why didn't I post a photo -- because it wouldn't be pretty!

Pray for persistence on my part with the exercise.

1st POST OP APPT

Yesterday was my long awaited 1st Post Op appt. It went fantastic and was a great encouragement to me. The thing I wanted to see the most was those metal rods. The xray in my world was beautiful. I immediately came home to see the previous xrays. One can almost not believe the difference and the pictures let you see them too.

The doctor said I was far "ahead of the game". These were also words I wanted to hear. I attribute it to God's hand on me through your prayers. As I said earlier I have felt them in the most comfortable and comforting way likening it to floating. I truly do not believe many who have walked in my shoes have been cared for to the degree and with the tenderness that I have. The prayers are more then I will ever know. I have been tended to by God's people in His body and in my family. The cards... I could have started a store :). The emails let me be with you while I recovered. The meals upon meals have healed my struggling body. Thank you to all who read this.

What's next? There are many small steps ahead. I can drive... but carefully. There is to be no twisting. I am starting rehab: light weights, more walking, stationary bike, swimming, stretching. The swimming sounds crazy but I'll try. I still have to pace myself a lot. My body is trying to repair itself and needs a combination of working it and resting it. It is inch by inch.

I mistakenly thought I would be able to see some bone growth but was told not to expect any til after 3 months. Rats. Yes - I'm overzealous. I also asked about my memory and was told with the length of my surgery it would be about 3 months for all the anesthesia to leave and my memory to be as it was ..... for what it is worth :)

As you can see yesterday was a great day. The docs I saw were all super encouraging and said I was one tough lady. I kind of laughed because I don't see myself that way -- I just want to get better and to have a strong body. I can now say I am grateful that I had the surgery and for what God has ahead for me. To take me through something so "massive" (the common word used by the docs) is an indication to me that God has good stuff waiting! YEA!!

Bump in My Road

I've run into a snag which seems to be unrelated to my surgery recovery. You may remember my dealing with PMR (polymyalgia rhumatica). It is a self limiting condition that seems to come out of nowhere. It hit me last January and continued until I would wean myself off prednisone in November. My surgeon said it is a "squirrely" malady and can show it's face again with surgery. It seems to have done so. The treatment for it is not appropriate right now because it would inhibit bone regrowth. So for now I'm dealing with some new (returned) pain in the large joints of shoulders, hips and knees. PMR goes away of it's own accord when it wants to. I'm sure many of you remember my words about it as I approached surgery. So for now this is my roadblock and limits my flexibility. I would appreciate your prayers for this.

All in all I am coming along well. There is much I can do for myself - dress & shower (takes about an hour), fix a sandwich, walk outside etc. I have to smile when I drop something on the floor because it is totally lost then. I have a "grabber stick" which allows me to pick up most lightweight and grabbable things. They told me I would have to figure new ways to do things and they were so right.

I am looking forward to the 1st post op visit next Monday. I will get to see an xray and see the paraphernalia in my back and also how the graft is coming along. If possible I'll try to include it in a post. I will most likely begin PT after this visit. I have no idea what that will be.

Thank you ALL for your interest and wanting more blogging. It's getting pretty mundane now isn't it. I'm still trekking up Mt Everest. I'm slow :(

CHOOSING GRATITUDE

Having been limited in my outings (none) and things to do with myself these 5 weeks, I have had a lot of time to ponder what I am grateful for. OH MY GOODNESS there is so much. It is not just with the surgery but extends to many corners of my life. I am trying in this new year to daily list at least 5 things I am grateful for using this gratitude journal. It definitely causes one to look at the events of the day and life with optimism and happiness.

Today I'm looking at the list of things I prayed for as well as many of you as well as I went into surgery. God loves us to reflect and look behind us to how He has been there with us through times that are new,uncertain, hard and even frightening.

Prayer Requests for My Surgery - Posted Dec 15, 2008

- That I won’t fall. My balance will be totally different.
My balance has been so different. Before I would catch myself listing and have to hold onto something. So different now.

- Peace through recovery.
I have been given this. I may be impatient but not frightened. Each day has given me a little more strength and ability.... what a peace booster this is.

- That God would show His power in Doug’s and my lives
He has done this for us. We have felt His strength as each day we faced new demands requiring new patience. It has been evident that He has been in the mix with us.

- Strength & perseverance for Doug and Carissa as they care for me
I am amazed at these 2. They have cared for me with smiles overlaid with sacrificial giving of themselves. It has been demanding and not easy but never have they complained or seemed exasperated. God has given them what they didn't even realize they would need.

- For my bones to REGROW rapidly and the fusion to be successful.
I will not know how this is going til Feb 2. I'm excited for that xray.

- Protection from infection
Thankfully there have been no complications. It is wintertime and "bugs" are everywhere -- but not with me! Infection in the hospital is a scarry thing as well as what people "bring" into our home.

- Hospital staff to be alert and conscious of my needs.
My needs were met but I must say my overnight "angels" were my advocates. They were on task aggressively getting help for me. Hospital staff respond to a person standing in the hall saying -- "We need some help here"

- For God to be with Carissa. This is a new role for her.
I know Carissa is my daughter BUT I must say she has been UNBELIEVABLE. She has run the care and details seamlessly. I have no idea how much work has gone into this. I'm been oblivious. All I know is that I have had caregivers and meals showered on me.
Joy Chapman has juggled and rearranged the meals and my "tastes" fantastically. What great girls these are and how grateful I am for them.

- For God to use this in my life and teach me things about Himself that I would not learn otherwise.
His peace has been so strongly evident. My harpist friend came at the height of the hard hospital time. One of the songs that brought tears to Doug, Carissa and myself was---

ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT
Sleep my child and peace attend thee,
All through the night
Guardian angels God will send thee,
All through the night

God has mended my body with good sleep and kept me safe from harm through all this recovery.

- That I would not be afraid of the pain & that it would be manageable.
This happened. Yes there was pain but never more then was bearable or manageable.

- For good use of this down time & for my mind to be alert. (this may be totally off the chart but I'd like it!)
Well... not so sure about this one. Does cleaning drawers count for good use of down time? My mind.... well it's still not what I'd like but perhaps it never has been :)

- Protection of my back bones during surgery. Some places that will be getting the screws are now very narrow. Pray my bones will hold screws in place.
I love the doctors words after the surgery --"Cheryl, you're lying on a home run". What a neat visual picture of the answer to our prayers.

- That we would be a “light” in the hospital and for an opportunity to perhaps minister to others who are going through what we are. The hospital ONLY does orthopedic and spine surgery.
We did not have contact with other patients but there are ones on the horizon that I am meeting who are scheduled for "my surgery". We have already established relationships so God will not waste any of this.

- Patience for me. The recovery will be very slow – months. The progress will not always be noticeable. I will need to be a plodder.
I'm plodding and at times wish I could scurry around and take care of things here. Putting pants on is time consuming as well as socks. I can't just jump into your "day clothes" of sweat pants. I must use a "grabber" and pull and maneuver one leg at a time. Oh bother!!

Well this is much longer then I thought it would be. I have revisited these pre-op prayers as much for myself as for you all. SOOOOOO much to cheer for and be grateful for. I hope these encourage you as much as they have me. You all are my angels doing the "hard" work behind the scenes praying for me. I'm not done yet... so don't stop!

I love you all and love that you're taking time to do some blogspotting.

My Mt Everest

I've tried to come up with a mental/visual picture of recovery. I am leaning toward Mt Everest or a Marathon. It you are a marathon runner - please excuse my likening my trip to yours. Yours is much more heroic!

I am resting well at night (yea meds) which has given me more energy for the next day. I've moved from mega narcotics to more gentle narcotics. There is still regular and persistent pain but not nearly what it was. I still remember being in the hospital and the docs coming in asking how I felt! Good Grief -- what an unnecessary question. My response -- MY BACK HURTS. Wonder what they expected me to say!

If this "trip" is Mt Everest -- I think I'm at Base Camp 1. There are many things I cannot do but there are also things that I have energy to do. I have had enough energy to straighten the silverware drawer and spice cabinet. Sounds fun huh? It is purposeful and that makes me happy.

My first post op visit with the surgeon will be 2 weeks from Monday - Feb 2. At that time they will xray my spine and see how the bone graft is going. I would love to see some visual evidence that is is working. Don't know if I told you that my incision is about 20" long. It travels the length of almost my entire spine. Pretty incredible. Did I ever tell you what this hardware feels like? When I lay on my back it feels like I'm laying on an abacus board or a bed of marbles. I kind of feel like a turtle with this stuff on my back that doesn't really feel like it is part of me but which goes with me everywhere. The rods are stainless steel and will stay with me forever. I can't wait til I go through my 1st time at airport security. Maybe this will break up theTSA folks from their constant bantering with each other! I am told that in a year I will be able to touch my toes -- bending from the waist. Since I have never been able to touch my toes, I am somewhat skeptical but it would be fun. I am told that tying my shoes will eventually be doable but from where I am now I can't believe that.

I hope I haven't bored you too much. This part of recovery is pretty lackluster -- just plodding and pushing and doing a little something more each day. Wonder what cabinet or drawer I can work on next. The glitch is that the only things I can work on must be at waist height :)

The Life of a Love Slave

Before now I have never had the privilege of having my own love slave. I have one of the best. The job description is extensive and sometimes not suited to people full of the "Y" chromosome. My love slave signed on for this task many years ago -- 42 to be exact. This year he began in earnest to exercise those skills and has done a fantastic job. I think it has overwhelmed both of us just how much it takes to care for a person who is totally incapable of caring for themselves... kind of like a 64 year old baby! It has surprised both of us how sweet the time together has been. He has been on call all the time and has kept up with everything and me -- laundry, kp, serving breakfast, lunch, dinner, bathing me, reading, groceries (which can be totally overwhelming..... e.g. raisins do not have a designated grocery shelf spot etc), encouraging me, walking with me outside and on and on. He is so gentle and responsive to each little request. The early days home were so constant. He commented one night that his calfs hurt! No wonder, I must have called for him every 10 minutes.

Thank you for praying for BOTH of us. I look at these 4 weeks and marvel at how smooth they have been. They have been hard but very peaceful and happy. I comment almost daily how happy I am. I am surrounded by human love from Doug and all of you and I am surrounded by God's tender care of me. It is so easy to forget the "silent and invisible" care being given. I have taken God's care and goodness much too for granted. In this time of weakness I see His hands and strength coming in many forms and from many directions. It is a gift to me.

ACHES & PAINS OF RECOVERY

Today marks 3 weeks since surgery. Hard to believe yet I am very aware that I'm very far from where I will eventually be.
I am dealing with continual aches and pains - hips and shoulders. I imagine these are the places where there was the most surgical rearranging and they hurt all through the day. Relief comes somewhat when lying down BUT this is the position I should be in the least. Walking and standing and lastly sitting are the best. Hard to spend 12 hours walking and standing so I rotate between sitting, walking, lying, sitting, waking, sitting & walking. I was told that complete recovery would not be reached for 12 months. I will be functional before then but all will not be complete. I do not know how long until I feel comfortable -- hope it's soon.

You all in blogland have been the best. I love the comments and I love the emails. Unfortunately this will have to satisfy me for now regarding connecting with you. I still tire easily, even from phone calls. I don't stay on the line long. Visits are still restricted -- just too much for me right now. The cards have been so beautiful with such beautiful words. I don't think I have ever read and savored cards so much :)

Doug is doing well. He is such an encouragement. I love beginning my day with his smile and his kisses. We feel so blessed to be able to have this time together. Not many husbands are able to do what he is doing -- and we thank our dear church family and elders for this.

DATE WITH DOUG

Doctor's orders -- Doug and I are to go OUT for a meal together. I thought you can't be serious. I'm not even 3 weeks post op. So yesterday out we went. Many of you will be very happy with our food choices -- totally off the regime. Out choice was not so much the food as the accessibility of the front door, the crowd level and then the food. Our restaurant of choice was 5 Guys Burgers and Fries. YES!
WE chose against organic Thai just to make some of you happy that we had broken down at last. I had a juicy burger with the best fries in the world. If I had been Carissa I'd have had a great photo to make you all drool. After this we went beyond nutrition to a double chocolate yogurt cup. Is everyone happy with this?

The date started with learning to get into the car. Have you ever gotten into a car without moving your back - no twisting, bending etc? I'll let you ponder how to do it.

The drive was so familiar yet so lovely. The sky had the big puffy white clouds and lots of wind. I felt like a kid enjoying my senses.

My walking routine is 6x a day at least in my hallways is getting lackluster. The day was beautiful so we took off for Levelland Trail -- not the one in the mountains but the one outside my front door. The walk was so beautiful and so enjoyable.

As I knew rehab would be harder then signing the papers to agree to surgery. I wake up each morning aching knowing that most of the day will be the same way - achy. Everything is weak and trying to rebuild and the only way is to tax it and make it carry weight that it finds too much. I try different tricks to give myself gold stars. I write down each little hall walk, each rest period -- just things so that I see that I'm progressing. I am reminded that 3 weeks ago I could not roll over AT ALL in the hospital bed. Wish progress were like so much of life -- immediate. It is not and this process will be the long hard work of the whole thing.

As I look back on symptoms I was having but didn't realize what they were, I know now that my body was showing all the signs of collapsing. The doctor told us with all certainty that I would be wheelchair bound within 10 years and that breathing would be difficult and inadequate. I think of being in a wheelchair or worse confined to a bed to breath and know that whatever inconvenience and discomfort is minor compared to having a restricted life. I am so grateful to have humanly "stumbled" upon Dr. Horton (but divinely guided). My spine is one that the majority of ortho docs will not operate on. Dr. Horton is like a fighter pilot -- he only wants those that are challenges and that others won't touch. It is a great story of how I came to find him -- and I am so so grateful.

My "love-slave" (Doug) is fantastic. I've worked him pretty hard. The first couple days home his calfs burned from using the stairs at home so much. He is running things here so well -- all new stuff. He didn't even know where I kept clean sheets. He's been the pampered boy -- and now I'm getting to be the princess.

Pray for me to work hard and faithfully walking. It's not my favorite activity right now. Pray for the graft to be working and pray for me to slowly to be able to ween myself off the narcotics. I'm making progress with that but I'm not there yet -- too much discomfort still.

A Typical Day in Recovery

Thought you might be curious about what a day is like in recovery. They are beginning a sort of pattern. You won't find them all that exciting :) but they are good in that I know each day puts me closer to doing more and feeling better.

I turn in about 7ish. The pain in my lower left back is pretty crummy by this time of day. This is the location of where there was a severe curve. The curve was so sharp that the vertebrae had fused in a curve of their own accord. The surgeon used a tiny saw to disconnect this fusion so that he could straighten out the curve. It helps me to visualize the site to know why it hurts. Anyway, I turn in about 7 and sleep comes quickly thanks to pain meds. I'm getting up 1-2x on my own now in the middle of the night and take another pain med about midnight.

I awaken anywhere from 7-8 AM. I know that once I get up the routine will need to start and I'll need to be engaged movement. Most of that involves 6 times a day to walk the hall upstairs. I am quite weary after that. I also know I'm weary because I break out in a sweat! Doug makes me a protein rich breakfast. I am told that my recovery requires the protein that a cross country skiier uses. I eat an egg, lots of citrus fruits and other fruits, cottage cheese, sliced deli turkey/chicken, sliced deli cheese, milk,peanut butter, whole grain bread, etc. I'm avoiding empty calories as they fill me up but do nothing for me. I'm not consuming large quantities -- mainly several small mini meals.

A hightlight of the day is the shower Doug gives me. That wonderful warm water falling upon me is a little bit of heaven. Washing my hair is so great. Grooming is nonexistent. Amazing how much time one can save if all you have to do is get your skin and hair clean.

The rest of the day is more walking, doing a little on the computer, reading a page or two, more walking, sitting, more walking, taking a break and lying down and over and over. I think this is much of what the weeks ahead will look like. Not real exciting but honestly they wear me out and I don't have much energy left to do anything that I'd consider fun or productive. I can only reach things at waist level - nothing under a sink, nothing on a shelf -- just waist high.

I greatly appreciate the emails and blog comments. I read all of them but hope you understand why many are not responded to -- just too much umph required.

One day in the future I'm going to post what my spine looked like the night before surgery. It is not an xray - just my skin, It's pretty wild. I'll also take a pix of the new spine with incision. It is hard to grasp how this was done. I'd love to see a movie of the operation -- just not a movie of MY surgery.

I cannot thank you enough for praying so faithfully -- even when you don't hear from me personally. These are such encouragements to me and keep me pushing. I wouldn't have to "report" to blogland that I'd been a slackard :)

Brains & Encouragers

I'm finding each phase of recovery is unique. The first part is very physical. The stage I'm in now continues to be physical but is also mental. Arnold Isley had warned us that long surgeries/sedations rob your short term memory thus making reading a book not all that much fun. If I'm not determined, I'll sneek into a little time to stretch out on the bed and low and behold I've fallen asleep. So I vascilate between trying to prop my eye lids open with tooth picks and giving in to sleep. I foolishly thought I would be able to do some long term planning, yearly goals, priorities, choose a "WORD" for the rest of the year. Huh! I don't know what day it is unless I look at my watch :)

I'm getting around more and more. I walk the upstairs hall many times a day. How glad I am for Benjamin Petty's pansies. I linger at the top window looking at them. Last year there were no pansies - no water. They are so cheerful looking.

I'm close to weaning myself off of night help. I can manage the bathroom well enough to make it alone I believe. That is another little baby step. It still takes a large amount of energy and I get to the bathroom sweating from exertion. I can tell I have my work cut out for me when I'm released to exercise again. Speaking of exercise, I'll need to figure out what I can do with this since flexibility won't be there. I can walk and eventually swim but don't know what else. Right now the fun will be trying to put socks on my toes when I can barely reach my knees!! There are contraptions to help with this. Everything takes so long as many of you who have had surgery know. My time priorities will be about dressing and grooming. Eventually they'll get to include cooking. That will be so much fun. I have come to really appreciate good nutritious food - lots of bone building protein and the wonderful winter citrus. It tastes like a delicacy. Slowness helps one savor each bit.

Thank you so much for your blog comments and encouragements. I have been meaning to give you a wonderful definition of an"encourager" from Ruth Cowan. "An encourager" is one who INFUSES courage into another." I love this. It translates into so many areas of our lives. I have seen so well that ya'lls lavish praise, cheers, encouragements have made me WANT to do more. The opposite is true when you tell someone they'll not get where they want to be by not pushing .... you just don't want to try. SO for all you many many who have been my encouragers -- it has been what has pushed me when I'd rather stay under the covers.

Thank you again for your constant prayers. I still need them.

NEW YEARS DAY 2009

It is me this time! 2 weeks ago at this time I was being cut, crewed upon, sutured, intubated and who knows what else they did that they won't tell me. I really don't care because of what had been done for good for me.

Having never had any kind of surgery except a tonsilectony, I am profoundly wise regarding what "messing" with a body does to you. It is hard stuff -- but like much in life, the hard things make us stronger, more empathetic, and ultimately more useful. I do not feel useful right now - quite the contrary but I feel that I have been carrying around a weight of body abnormality that was wearing me down withut even realizing it. For instance my lung capacity was decreasing and I couldn't figure out why I was requiring more sleep at night and why I tired easily. I'll never be a Patty Taylor, but I'd at least like to be the Cheryl of the past.

I'm trying to be up and around more -- least 6 tiny walks within the house a day. Doesn't sound like much but It wears me out. Today we went outside for the 2nd time in 3 days- just down the driveway. I wore my famous red coat and was so happy to be warm inside with sunshine on my face.

I am still not really mentally fluid - reading is a challenge. I just can't handle much more then Calvin and Hobbs.

Someone asked what it feels like to be surrounded and covered in prayer. It feels peaceful. I liken it to being carried :). There is no fear. Each time I look at my next challenge - even simple ones like using the stairs or putting on pants I say -- Cheryl!!! look from where you have come? I lay down and begin remembering the ways each new challenge has been met. I have done many things that I felt a week or so ago were impossible. These are things like getting out of bed unassisted -- OUCH, still very very hard because my back must not bend at all. Other things are rolling over in bed with no muscles to make it happen. We have treasured the quiet and stillness. It is priceless and such a teacher. I feel my senses have been heightened in every direction -- the blowing of leaves, the juice exploding out of a clementine, my bedside music -- simple, soft and pure, the sun's rising and setting, sunshine on my check. It is so easy to miss the pure and lovely and quiet things in our loud, rushed, ruckous world. I am grateful for the gift of slowness, quietness, time to appreciate and reflect. These are good medicine to my soul as well.

I'm glad to be back in blogland. I probably won't post as much as Carissa has -- just not enough energy yet for that.

Thank you all who read this 1st for your prayers -- many of you did it coupled with prayer and fasting. Thank you tangible ways of caring for us -- and especially being available in prayer and every way for Doug. In many ways his job is harder then mine. I just have to keep at it -- he has to see me hurt and see my limitations. I can see in his eyes how hard it is to be the "other" one. He has been incredible. Absolutely incredible. I think our 1st week home I called him every 10 minutes -- I need water, I need to roll over, I need to go the bathroom, I'm hot can you put socks on me, I'm cold, can you pull the quilt up. I need, I need, I need, I need.......

Doug will be at church Sunday -- happy day for him. Debbie and I will listen to a previous message on the computer. Fun huh.

Thank you so much dear dear ones everywhere.