TRUST & PEACE

I've been thinking a lot about the word "trust". Surgery will require much trust on my part and I've pondered what that looks and feels like.

It has always seemed to be something that I actively do but of late I have come to look at it differently. In the past it seemed to be something I needed to drum up within me requiring energy. With the journey I'm on, I have come to see it as something I allow to surround and hold me -- as though I am wrapped in a soft welcoming comforter. The thing that it does require of me is belief in what I am putting my trust in. When I lay myself on the operating table -- my human trust will be in my surgeon but in truth it will be in the One who surrounds him and puts His hands upon Dr. Horton's hands. God ultimately is the one I trust.

Another visual picture that I'm enjoying will be all of you who have and are praying for me. The picture is of all of you with joined hands surrounding my surgery bed with your prayers guiding and supporting. Thank you for being in my picture.

How do I feel on the eve of what has been repeatedly termed "massive surgery". I feel like I am being carried. It is a surreal feeling. I thought about it and concluded that this is what "peace" feels like. I am not frightened or anxious. I have done my part humanly in making my decision to have this done. I have researched doctors, listened to the words of others who have been operated on by Dr. Horton, read books on Scoliosis and the options of treatment, consulted the National Scoliosis Foundation for recommendations. I have asked God to lead Doug and me in this decision and to make it obvious and simple. He has. I have no other options. We are very much at peace with the decision we have made and thus can comfortably submit to something so huge. We know the road ahead will be a long and bumpy one but looking back on our decision process is one way God will remind us that we have walked with Him in making the decision. We trust His taking care of us all along the road ahead. It is an added blessing to know you're on this road walking along side us.