NEW YEARS DAY 2009

It is me this time! 2 weeks ago at this time I was being cut, crewed upon, sutured, intubated and who knows what else they did that they won't tell me. I really don't care because of what had been done for good for me.

Having never had any kind of surgery except a tonsilectony, I am profoundly wise regarding what "messing" with a body does to you. It is hard stuff -- but like much in life, the hard things make us stronger, more empathetic, and ultimately more useful. I do not feel useful right now - quite the contrary but I feel that I have been carrying around a weight of body abnormality that was wearing me down withut even realizing it. For instance my lung capacity was decreasing and I couldn't figure out why I was requiring more sleep at night and why I tired easily. I'll never be a Patty Taylor, but I'd at least like to be the Cheryl of the past.

I'm trying to be up and around more -- least 6 tiny walks within the house a day. Doesn't sound like much but It wears me out. Today we went outside for the 2nd time in 3 days- just down the driveway. I wore my famous red coat and was so happy to be warm inside with sunshine on my face.

I am still not really mentally fluid - reading is a challenge. I just can't handle much more then Calvin and Hobbs.

Someone asked what it feels like to be surrounded and covered in prayer. It feels peaceful. I liken it to being carried :). There is no fear. Each time I look at my next challenge - even simple ones like using the stairs or putting on pants I say -- Cheryl!!! look from where you have come? I lay down and begin remembering the ways each new challenge has been met. I have done many things that I felt a week or so ago were impossible. These are things like getting out of bed unassisted -- OUCH, still very very hard because my back must not bend at all. Other things are rolling over in bed with no muscles to make it happen. We have treasured the quiet and stillness. It is priceless and such a teacher. I feel my senses have been heightened in every direction -- the blowing of leaves, the juice exploding out of a clementine, my bedside music -- simple, soft and pure, the sun's rising and setting, sunshine on my check. It is so easy to miss the pure and lovely and quiet things in our loud, rushed, ruckous world. I am grateful for the gift of slowness, quietness, time to appreciate and reflect. These are good medicine to my soul as well.

I'm glad to be back in blogland. I probably won't post as much as Carissa has -- just not enough energy yet for that.

Thank you all who read this 1st for your prayers -- many of you did it coupled with prayer and fasting. Thank you tangible ways of caring for us -- and especially being available in prayer and every way for Doug. In many ways his job is harder then mine. I just have to keep at it -- he has to see me hurt and see my limitations. I can see in his eyes how hard it is to be the "other" one. He has been incredible. Absolutely incredible. I think our 1st week home I called him every 10 minutes -- I need water, I need to roll over, I need to go the bathroom, I'm hot can you put socks on me, I'm cold, can you pull the quilt up. I need, I need, I need, I need.......

Doug will be at church Sunday -- happy day for him. Debbie and I will listen to a previous message on the computer. Fun huh.

Thank you so much dear dear ones everywhere.